When people talk about pregnancy, they often focus on the exciting milestones: seeing those two lines on a test, telling everyone, hearing a heartbeat for the first time, watching your bump grow and your body change shape, feeling those first kicks, and preparing to meet your baby.
But alongside the excitement, many parents experience emotions they weren't expecting—and don't always feel comfortable talking about – apprehension, anxiety, uncertainty, loneliness, sadness and even grief
And it is not just first pregnancies that can cause this rollercoaster, every single pregnancy is different and significant regardless of how many you have had before and what sort of experiences they gave you.
Mixed Feelings Are More Common Than You Think
Many expectant parents tell us they feel guilty because they aren't enjoying every moment of pregnancy, and many parents don’t enjoy the experience at all, and it is important to recognise that and be able to admit it.
There are many reasons that pregnancy is just not an experience you enjoy. The rollercoaster of new thoughts and emotions – excited one day then overwhelmingly anxious the next, thrilled about the baby but panicking about labour and birth, wondering if you’ll ever be ready for the responsibility of parenthood. But there are two areas that may have surprised you – looking forward to parenthood whilst grieving the loss of your old routine and feeling disconnected from your pregnancy. Both of these can be normal responses to expecting a baby but if you feel that you are unable to process these feelings and are concerned that they may be causing you to have lasting negative feelings then please reach out to your community midwife who will be able to refer you for support.
You are aware that your lives will change significantly but it is impossible to comprehend in which ways this may happen which may lead to feelings of disconnection from the pregnancy as you are uncertain what the baby will bring for you and your lives together. It is normal to feel a little apprehension, it means you are aware that change is imminent and you are preparing, as far as you can, to embrace it.
These emotions can exist side by side. Feeling worried or overwhelmed or not enjoying being pregnant doesn't mean you're ungrateful, and it certainly doesn't mean you'll be a bad parent.
The Pressure to Be Happy
Social media and popular culture often portray pregnancy as a magical time filled with glowing skin, nursery planning and constant excitement.
The reality can be very different.
Many parents experience:
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Exhaustion.
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Physical discomfort.
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Relationship changes.
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Financial worries.
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Concerns about work and maternity leave.
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Anxiety about birth.
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Fear of the unknown.
When everyone around you expects you to be happy, it can feel difficult to admit when you're struggling.
It's completely normal to have concerns during pregnancy, however, sometimes feelings of anxiety or sadness become overwhelming and begin affecting daily life.
If you notice:
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Persistent low mood.
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Frequent crying.
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Feeling hopeless.
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Loss of interest in things you usually enjoy.
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Constant worry that feels difficult to control.
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Difficulty concentrating.
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Changes in sleep beyond those expected during pregnancy.
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Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt.
These may be signs that you're experiencing antenatal depression or anxiety and it is much more common than many people realise, yet it often goes undiscussed because parents can feel embarrassed, ashamed or worried about being judged. Depression can develop even during a wanted and much-loved pregnancy. It is not a reflection of how much you love or want your baby, it is a health condition that deserves support and treatment, just like any physical illness.
Why Early Support Matters
One of the reasons antenatal mental health is so important is that difficulties during pregnancy can sometimes continue after birth.
If you find yourself saying "I should be coping better” or "Other people seem fine" Or "I don't want to make a fuss" or "I should just be grateful" it might be helpful to start talking to someone and getting some help in place. Struggling emotionally during pregnancy is not a failure; pregnancy represents one of life's biggest transitions and it is essential to seek support while navigating that change.
Research has shown that antenatal depression can increase the risk of developing postnatal depression by 50% (Jingjing Yu et al, 2023), however, it is equally important to remember that this is not inevitable. Most parents who experience antenatal depression go on to recover well and enjoy positive postnatal experiences, particularly when they receive timely support.
The earlier these concerns are recognised, the sooner help can be put in place.
Building Your Support Network
One of the most protective things you can do during pregnancy is build your support network before your baby arrives.
This might include:
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Your partner.
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Family members.
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Friends.
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Your midwife.
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Your GP.
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Antenatal groups, Local parent communities, Pregnancy and parenting classes – many of which can be found here at Naturally Baby!
Many parents form friendships during pregnancy that become invaluable once their baby is born. Having people who understand what you're experiencing can make a huge difference.
Please speak to your midwife, GP or healthcare professional if:
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Your mood has been low for more than two weeks.
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Anxiety is affecting daily life.
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You feel unable to cope.
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You are withdrawing from friends and family.
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Your worries feel overwhelming.
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You are concerned about your mental health in any way.
You do not need to wait until things become severe before asking for support.
A Final Thought
Some days may feel exciting. Some may feel challenging. Many will feel like a mixture of both, but whatever you're experiencing, you don't have to face it alone.
Looking after your emotional wellbeing during pregnancy is just as important as looking after your physical health.
